Celestial Intentions
by mischievousmoonhunter
Summary: After living a life of poverty, Xaeyera gets the chance of a lifetime: to become a servant maiden in the royal Asgardian palace. Here she finds herself, after a series of odd moments and coincidences, magically bound to the younger prince, Loki, and as apprentice of his mother, Frigga. Will she be able to become part of the royal family, or does this secret eliminate all chances?
1. Chapter 1

There are many ways you can regard the future – you can either consider it predetermined, or perceptible to our actions.  
I once heard a story about the nine norms - though I cannot recall where or when; nine women who control the fate of gods and men. This story tells me nothing I do matters. Nothing I think matters. The future will come and happen no matter what, simply because the Norms have fated the world, long before any of us came to live in it.  
I have lived with this idea for a long time; accepting my poor fate, not questioning how I got there, and why – even though I should've known . Thus, every time the sun rose another day came, no different from the last.  
Only the horrible attack sufficed to wake me up from this slumbering life. But again, I didn't do anything – it were the ruthless creatures attacking the village that brought something in motion that would change my life. After that, it was the kind soldier who brought a small group of women to the royal palace, followed by the man who decided I was good enough to work for the royal family.  
Yet, this still wasn't enough to change my mind set, not completely. I had sworn myself I would find a way to make my life count, but had not yet accepted the idea there might already be a plan out there for me.  
Because that's what I believe in now: destiny. It isn't set in stone. It doesn't control the now, let alone the future. But it does guide us, lets us meet those that we are supposed to meet.  
When we do, destiny leaves it up to us; what we do, how we react. Because destiny might show us our purpose, we still have to be brave enough to look it in the eyes, raise our heads, and take the pathway to who we are meant to be.


	2. Chapter 2

Blood. My hands were shaking. Screams. I tried to stop them. Agonizing cries. I tried to block the memories. Don't ruin it, I scoffed myself. Don't you dare ruin this chance.  
The memories faded to the background of my mind, and I had time to wonder what had triggered the memories. Perhaps the stress. Or the weapons decorating the walls. Or the guards flanking the doors.  
My task was placing the tray before the younger prince, without speaking and messing it up. Seemed easy enough – though I was more than sure I was capable enough of ruining it.  
I did as I was told, but I made the mistake of looking up, meeting the eyes of the older, blond-haired prince. He grinned, and winked. I blushed, and looked down.  
The younger prince sighed, not giving me any attention, not even looking at me.  
'Thor, can't you let us enjoy one meal without flirting with one of the maidens?' Despite the irritation I could tell he had a charming voice, suited for a prince.  
'O, Loki, I'm just showing my gratitude. But I would guess you do not know that experience.' I had thought Loki's voice was low, but Thor's voice was even deeper.  
Loki didn't reply, just let out another exasperated sigh.  
'You seem to have lost your silver tongue lately, brother. What has gotten into you?'  
'Why, I just consider my words before I speak them.'

Drained I strolled through the empty hallways, until I reached one of the servant exits, and sighed relieved. Those beautiful but elaborate hallways were starting to choke me. I had never lived in a real building, only in huts made of thin wood. They were extremely cold in winter, unbelievably hot in summer – and they were home. They didn't make you feel trapped while you battled the elements and you were always close to the embrace of nature. Now I lived in a golden palace.  
At least, I was supposed to. But the chambers meant for the servants were low and small, even though they were quite luxurious. I couldn't breathe there, so I had chosen the grounds to be my chamber.  
Suddenly, I saw a dark silhouette in the distance. Tall, and slender build, with long, raven hair. It was the younger prince, prince Loki.  
I crouched down, studying him.  
I frowned; he was moving his arms. Looking better I saw that he was forcefully cutting with a dagger into a tree. His face was hidden from my view, though I could imagine the rage he would show.  
Eventually he turned around, and returned to the palace. I was surprised to find his face blank, and not the mask of rage I had anticipated.  
I found a little hole in a wooded area, as sheltered as I could have hoped for. After I had made myself comfortable, I drifted, as usually, off into a restless sleep.

The next couple of days the palace seemed unrealistically quiet. The princes, along with Thor's company, had left for some kind of piece-mission, or whatever they called it, and had taken the liveliness with them.  
When they came back all attention was aimed at Thor, who smiled broadly and accepted all the compliments and praises with pride. I, however, seemed to be the only one to notice the dark figure of the younger prince. He kept himself to the background while Thor was applauded in the sun, and when he thought nobody saw or noticed him, he slipped into the palace.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Text

At night it I woke, roused by a sudden cold, with which my gown and blanket could not compete. Ugh. My fingers were like little stumps of ice.  
Though I didn't really want to, but I had to go back to the palace. Where in the worlds did that coldness come from?  
With my blanket wrapped around my shoulders, tugged closely to my body, I started to find my way through the dark. Suddenly, I heard leaves ruffle in the shadows, and fear gripped my heart. Where my actually eyes could barely see a thing, my mind's eye showed me pictured of horrific monsters lurking in the dark.  
My feet started to move quickly, taking me away from where I thought the sound had come from.  
'Ahh!' I let out a frightened scream, not able to help myself. At the same time someone let out a pained grunt, shoved me into a tree and dug something sharp into my neck.  
Then, as I was breathing heavily, the moon seemed to glow brighter, and my eyes could make out the face of the younger prince. His jaw was clenched in pain.  
'Prince Loki, highness, I am so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you!'  
The prince's eyes scanned my face and body, no doubt checking for weapons.  
'May I see your hands?' he asked softly but urgently. I put them up, slowly.  
He waited for some more seconds before releasing me. His facial expression didn't change much.  
'You should let someone take care of that wound, your highness,' I said, without really thinking.  
'What did you say?' He frowned at me. 'How did you know?'  
Dazed I stuttered, 'I, I don't know.'  
The prince leaned in closer, his eyes darkening.  
'How did you know?' He repeated, threateningly.  
'I don't know.' I replied again, my stomach twisting inside me.  
He kept his eyes fixed, and I felt even more frozen than when he had pinned me against the tree with the dagger.  
'I swear, your majesty, I just sensed it. It is a magical wound, isn't it?'  
The prince looked thoughtful, while his fingers wandered to his side, softly pressing.  
'I suppose it is, that would explain why it will not heal.'  
'Did you let a healer look at it, majesty?'  
Now the prince shook his head in utter disgust. 'My healing abilities do not demand their concern.'  
'I do think this one does,' I said carefully. 'If you would let me, I could maybe offer some help.'  
His green eyes glittered dangerously at me mentioning "help". I knew many had perished under his keen eyes, but wouldn't let myself be intimidated; I had seen real dangers. His brow furrowed slightly. Then he seemed to consider the circumstances.  
'Are you one of Asgard's servant maidens?' He demanded.  
'I am.'  
'Therefore you can take an oath on Odin's staff, and your loyalty, an oath of secrecy?'  
My body stiffened, telling me to run from this dangerous decision. But I had done too much running in my life.  
'I can, and I will- If you would want me to.'  
His face changed. Surprise flickered across his face. He hadn't thought I would that for him, I realised. But why, then, had he asked? To scare me away?  
He let me go, his eyes distant.  
Suddenly, he started walking back, and tripping I followed his long strides. My blanket followed like a cape, fluttering on the wind.

The prince immediately ventured to his own chambers, which were of almost impossible beauty. A bit hesitantly I remained in the doorway. My eyes were drinking in the surroundings; the silver, gold, pearls, gemstones, paintings, soft carpets and the dark wood.  
'If you just came here to admire the chambers, you may go,' the prince sneered.  
'I am sorry, your majesty.' I hastily shut the door behind me, and approached the prince.  
He had taken his dagger, and looked me straight in the eyes.  
'I do not ask you to do this.' The prince's eyes locked me, his tone solemnly. His expression was hard and cold, but I could sense some vulnerability underneath that mask.  
What did I have to lose? I wondered. How would swearing an oath to one of the allfather's sons be such a terrible decision? He needed help, even if he was too stubborn to see.  
'Then I will do it out of my own free will.'  
'So be it'  
He held up his hand, and without hesitation, I gave him mine. Withe sharp tip of the dagger, he carved runes into my skin. Blood welled up, colouring the symbols bright crimson.  
Next, he did the same with his own hand, though the runes were slightly different. Intrigued, almost mesmerized by the strange curled and lines, I studied my hand. Then he grabbed my hand tightly, slightly pressing his palm against mine.  
Concentrated, he started to chant.  
I didn't understand the words; they were spoken in the ancient tongue of Asgard, the language of magic. Therefore, it surprised me that the prince didn't hesitate or needed assistance from written words. Then I remembered the rumours about his magic, some saying his powers were even greater than the Queen's.  
When he told me to, I repeated after him. I knew it wasn't the smartest thing to do; using divine words I didn't even know, but I had made up my mind. Desperately, but made up it was.  
While he was speaking, the runes started to glow with a brilliant green light. My head began to spin, like a giant's hands were twisting my brain inside my skull.  
Suddenly golden ropes appeared around our entangled hands. It pulled tighter, and it burned. Was this supposed to happen? I looked up at the prince and met his surprised eyes. Probably not.  
The ropes tightened even further, heating our hands, until they pressed too tight. Abruptly they burned into my skin. All overwhelming blackness followed.

Confused and dizzy I found myself lying on the carpeted floor of the royal chambers. As soon as I realised what happened, I scrambled up. The prince had succeeded in remaining upright, though only by stumbling backwards and grasping the solid desk. His eyes were a little off, and he seemed even paler than usual.  
Uneven I walked towards him, stopping a couple times to steady myself.  
'Majesty?'  
'Stay there!' he hissed, gesturing that I should keep my distance. His green eyes were glaring at me, flickering. 'What did you do?'  
'I didn't- That wasn't me! I sw-'  
'Don't!' He rudely interrupted me. 'You have sworn too many oaths already!'  
I nodded and swallowed. 'I am sorry. Maybe I mispronounced something?'  
The prince squinted his eyes. 'What? No, you only failed to mention you have Magic in your blood.'  
'Magic?' I stammered. 'I didn't know…'  
The prince shook his head, and waved me away. 'You may go.' I lowered my head. I had messed this up. I shouldn't make this any worse. I was almost at the doors, when I heard a crashing sound behind me; the prince had tried to move, but his feet had given away beneath him, and he had fallen against the desk.  
'Majesty!' I called out, running towards him. I reached out to support him-  
'Do not move!' My body froze. Not because I wanted it too - I couldn't do anything else.  
His arms were shaking, and he dragged himself along his furniture, until he lowered himself on the bed. One hand he pressed against his side. When he looked up again, he frowned. Some of the hostility was driven away by his astonishment.  
'What are you doing?'  
'I-I can't move, your highness.' And I truly tried. But I couldn't move my body. The control over my own body had been taken from me, replaced by the sensation of limbs made of clay, lain to dry in the burning sun.  
'Oh,' realisation struck. Something of an amused smile formed, maybe even a bit pleased. 'That is interesting.'  
Agitation arose, though mostly annoyance at myself; why couldn't I hate him? Why did I still feel so compassionate towards him?

Again I tried to move, and my face contorted. Even though I felt like dried clay, my mind's efforts to control my own body felt like ripping them apart.  
'You may move.'  
I gasped when I regained the control of my body. Because I had still been struggling, I now lost my balance, and had to make a swirling movement to stay afoot.  
The prince chuckled-and winced. He grabbed his side.  
'Am I still allowed to help you, majesty?'  
He muttered something under his breath, but winced again. 'If you must.'  
This time he let me approach him.  
'Highness,' I said shyly, 'could you please pull up your shirt?' He did so, revealing what was quite a deep gash, surrounded by deep purple skin.  
'Still eager to "help"?' the prince asked mockingly.  
I didn't answer him, as I was too distracted by memories.  
'It has been some time since I saw such a wound,' I muttered, only to myself, 'but wounds don't really change over time, do they…?'  
Maybe the prince understood I wasn't really talking to him – or he just ignored me – whatever the case, he kept quiet.  
I found my way to the bathroom, and got all the herbs and medicine I needed and knew from the herbal cabinet.  
First I sprinkled some ice water from one of the purity springs, to make sure the wound was clean. Even though this part must sting, the prince held still.  
Next I used a variation of herbs to create a healing mixture, which I applied before bandaging. When I was done, I stood there awkwardly, before I curtseyed and left him. My mind had stopped spinning, yet it had been replaced by a strange tugging sensation.  
When I returned to bed, I looked at the small lines on my hand. I didn't know much about secrecy oaths, but this I knew, wasn't part of it.

Loki tried to read, but it didn't work out. Finally, he threw it through his chamber.  
He studied his hand. This weren't traces of a simple secret-binding spell. These were runes he remembered seeing, he only couldn't remember their meaning.  
He had to know what had happened. Had it been the blue-eyed girl? She had seemed so innocent, though she had resisted his glare, even though no one wanted to look him in the eyes. Asgard knew many enemies; she could have many ulterior motives. How coincidental had their meeting been?


	4. Chapter 4

I had never seen such a sight as the Queen's chambers. They were open and light, filled with flowers and lovely smelling herbs. The tapestries were all the best craftsmanship, decorating the walls with soft, though vibrant colours.  
I held the soft fabric carefully in my hands, hoping my mind would stay clear.  
'Your majesty,' I greeted her, bowing. 'I have here the fabric you requested.'  
'Ah, thank you my dear. Could you please put it on my dresser?'  
'Of course, Your Highness.' I bowed again, doing what she had asked. I put it, neatly folded, beside a little jewellery box. When my eyes grazed over it, I stiffened. The box had a painting of a meadow. A meadow I recognised.  
Blood. Screams. Pain.  
My vision blurred, and I tried to keep my head straight. I bolted for the door, but suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder.  
'Are you all right, my dear?'  
The Queen looked at me with soft, motherly eyes.  
'Of course,' I tried to say, but my voice was smothered.  
'There is grave pain in your eyes. What have you seen, my dear?' She was so nice. So motherly… she took me to a soft seat, gently holding my hands between hers.  
'I don't- I can't remember… I am deeply sorry. I-' I sobbed.  
'Don't be, dear. But what hurt you so much just now?'  
'That box,' I whispered. 'I remember that meadow.'  
The Queen looked surprised. 'The Einjarin meadow?' She mused. 'Tell me, my child, do you know magic.' I shook my head. 'Would you mind if I let you hold something?'  
Again I shook my head.  
Frigga stepped towards the same box that had caused all this, and took something out of it.  
It was a simple crystal, perfectly round, which still sparkled like a diamond.  
'Please hold this dear,' she told me, after which I obeyed her. Immediately, when the ball touched my skin, it glowed gold. Bright light that blinded me, and also frightened me in some way.  
'I see…,' the queen muttered. 'My dear, would you want to study magic?'

Of course I had said yes, and she had asked me for my name, and let a maiden bring me to a better room and give me beautiful clothes. It was all unreal, a dream. I would wake up soon.  
After the maiden had dressed me, brushed my hair, braided it, and put a thin hairband with small blue crystals in it, she wished me good luck.  
'Make us proud.' She said.

And so I walked down the corridor to the dining hall, wearing a beautiful, though simple and light, light blue dress. I felt shaky.  
I grasped the windowsill when I felt dizzy. I looked out over the sloping fields. It was beautiful. But unreal. My mind felt like it was floating somewhere disconnecting from my body.  
The doors were opened by two guards clad in gold. I felt utterly out of place when they swung open, and I slowly strolled forwards.  
'Xaeyera, dear,' Frigga smiled, 'you look lovely; I hope you are feeling well.'  
'Of course, your majesty.' I looked at my hands, and then hastily looked up again, trying to smile. 'Thank you for everything, your majesty.'  
'You are welcome; though if you have lived for as long as I, you start to see, that seemingly coincidental meetings often happen for a reason.  
But those are just my thoughts - let me introduce you.' The Queen rose, and so did the three man accompanying her.  
'Well,' she smiled, 'I think you know my husband, Odin.' I nodded, and curtsied.  
'And my two sons, Thor,' the broad-shouldered prince beamed, 'and Loki.' The dark-haired prince gave me a polite nod, though he didn't meet my eyes. 'Gentlemen, this is Lady Xaeyera. I have taken her in as my apprentice.' Now I curtsied again. My cheeks glowed. 'Come, sit, my dear.' She motioned to a chair to her left, next to Prince Thor chair's, and opposite Loki's.  
When approaching the table, the fair haired prince took my chair and helped me sit down. I smiled slightly.  
'So, mother. An apprentice… I say that must be a first, not?'  
Frigga smiled. 'It is. Though, I have of course taught your brother for years.'  
'So… Lady Xaeyera could become something like our little sister?' Thor seemd utterly excited at that prospect.  
'That would be wonderful indeed.'  
Thor smiled at me again. 'If only you promise not to use the tricks my brother has used on me.'  
'I don't know if I can promise that, highness.'  
He laughed. 'I like you! Please, call me Thor.'  
'Thank you, h- Thor.'  
It was so much more pleasant to be amongst the royal family than I had expected. Odin gave me some kind words before engaging Thor in an animated conversation about some battle, but the prince with green eyes kept to himself. I stole him some glances (I couldn't help myself), and saw him look at his plate with dark eyes, barely eating. When the meal was over, Thor asked me if I wanted to join him as he walked around the castle. I agreed shyly, not knowing what he would expect from me.  
He took me to some beautiful parts of the gardens, trying to tell me something about every place. Eventually, he gave up.  
'I actually do not know so much about these grounds or its history-' he admitted, 'you should ask my brother; Loki has read more books than I could imagine. I am afraid I am more a person of action. Though maybe you like reading. Did you read much when you were younger?'  
'I don't know, I'm sorry,' I said quietly.  
Thor frowned. 'Now I must say I am sorry - Your answer confuses me. What do you mean?'  
I bit my lip. 'I have no recollection of my past, I am afraid. Therefor I don't know if I liked reading or not.'  
The prince looked stunned. 'My apologies. I would have never asked such a thing if-'  
'Never mind,' I interrupted him. 'Neither you nor me can help it. It is not for you to apologize.'  
We walked in silence for a while. Many beautiful flowers grew around us.  
'Why are you so nice to me, a stranger?' I asked suddenly.  
'I think my mother is right; the universe often arranges our meetings.  
Though I am afraid I have some personal interest too; our family is not as close as we once were. I hope you could maybe bring us closer together again. I feel you have a strong presence.'

While Thor was speaking such honest words, Loki looked from a distance. Why was his family quick to accept this stranger? Had they forgotten about all of their enemies? She did not have a good explanation of herself being here. Could he trust those deep blue eyes? Without thought he rubbed his hand. The runes were still there.


	5. Chapter 5

I was a natural - or so they said. And indeed, it didn't take me much effort to do the "basic" stuff; sensing the things around me, moving small objects, letting plants grow and so on. However, it was the part with the illusions that would not work.  
'Don't you worry my child,' Frigga smiled. 'It will come to you.'  
I still looked miserable, even though I tried to smile appreciatively.  
'Well, I have to go now. You may practice more if you like. Here,' she handed me an old, bronze key on a chain, 'this will bring you to a more restricted part of the library, a part dedicated only to magic. Perhaps you could find something there that may help you.'  
'Thank you very much, Lady Frigga.' I smiled happily and took the key.  
'I admire your will; you do not give up.'  
I shrugged shyly. 'It is sometimes more stubbornness; when I have set my mind to something I just cannot let go.'

The library was indeed grand, and the "restricted" chambers were marvellous. The books and scrolls seemed at least twice as old as anything in the library. Eventually I found a thick book about basic magic, containing a long chapter about Illusions.  
Sadly, only the titles had been translated, so it was of no use to me. Frustrated I slumped down on the rounded couch.  
'Stupid ancient books,' I muttered.  
'I would not say those kinds of things so near to books with so much power.' My heart skipped a beat when the voice came from the shadows, and the young prince stepped forwards.  
'I doubt if they would understand my language.' The prince's lips curled slightly.  
'You have adapted well to the palace, I see.'  
'Reasonably, though your family has helped greatly.'  
'They do seem to adore the concept of adopting,' he smirked. 'Though I suppose my mother always loved the idea of a daughter.'  
'You make it seem as if I am no more a stranger to your family, even though you haven't spoken a word to me until now, and the conversations at the dinner table are more like distant relatives than brothers and sisters.' I flinched when I heard my own hurt and longing. 'I am sorry.' I lowered my head.  
'I suppose you are right. However, I must say that it is mostly your own doing. You are shutting them out; if you truly want to know them better, I suggest that you start with Thor - he really seems to like you. Perhaps because you share some of your physical characteristics.'  
I rose, and moved towards the door. 'Thank you, for your guiding words. If you ever need-' I stopped myself, remembering his eyes when I had last said "help". 'Well, thank you.'  
The prince didn't react, just looked at me with dark eyes. I coloured, and left.

Coincidentally I ran into Thor on my way to my own room.  
'Lady Xaeyera! What a pleasant surprise!'  
'Hello Thor!' I smiled, more widely than usual, remembering his brother's words. 'Where are you going?'  
'The training hall, for my usual practise.'  
'Could I maybe come with you?' I asked. 'I have never seen that part of the palace.'  
'Of course!' Thor beamed. 'Maybe I could teach you some of my tricks. A lady ought to protect herself.'  
'I don't think I have much to fear inside this palace,' I laughed.  
'They would certainly not come by me,' he assured me, while guiding me in the right direction.  
'So you have never lost?' I asked, both curiously and teasingly.  
'Not very recently. Not since I have this.' He held out his hand. For a moment nothing happened. Then I heard a rushing sound- a large beautiful hammer flew into his hand.  
'Wow,' I gaped at it. 'That was amazing!'  
'Thank you! Though I hope my mother will not be angry with me.'  
'Why would the Queen be angry?'  
Thor chuckled. 'Actually, she has forbidden me to use Mjolnir inside; she is afraid it will one day carry the entire staff by accident.'  
When imagining that, I couldn't help but laugh.

Finally, we reached the training hall, and Thor turned towards me. 'How about that practise?'  
'Didn't you have to do your own practise?' I wondered.  
'Are you saying I need it?' Thor pretended to be indignant.  
'Well…' I smiled mischievously.  
'I cannot have myself be insulted in such a manner. You brought your own doom!' Suddenly he grabbed me, and put me in a hold on one of the mats. With one hand he held both of my arms above my head, and with his leg he pressed my body softly to the ground. 'Surrender!'  
'Never!'  
'So be it! You have lost because no one matches the strength of the mighty Thor!'  
'I cannot believe that, and I will not!' I exclaimed.  
Thor let me go, and sat back, grinning.  
'I will make you believe, trust me.' Then I heard the gong for diner. 'But alas, it has to wait; diner is first!'

Thor guided me to the dinner chamber, and just before he opened the doors for me, he muttered, 'I am sorry about your hair.'  
'What?'  
He grinned and swung the doors open.  
'Xaeyera dear, what happened?' Frigga exclaimed when I approached the table.  
'Ehr- Thor?'  
'Thor?'  
'I am sorry mother, I tried to show the Lady how powerful the mighty Thor can be, but she will not believe me.'  
'I would certainly think so,' Frigga smiled, 'I hope I taught her well.'  
'So it seems,' Thor helped me sit, and whispered in my ear so no one would hear it: "please don't tell her about Mjolnir" after which he sat down himself, 'though I would like to see some proof.'

'Well, we actually have rules about no magic at the dinner table, but for this one time I will make an exception.'  
'You are a wise queen,' Thor chuckled. He looked at me. 'Impress me.'  
For a moment I didn't know what to do, until I saw my goblet with grape juice. I concentrated on the liquid, and it slowly rose from the cup. Then I let it dance above the dinner table.  
'Well done, dear. She really is a natural with the elements.' I looked at her, and was surprised to see a proud smile.  
Suddenly Thor sputtered. I looked back at him, and he sat surprised - and soaking wet – with grape juice all over him. Then he started to laugh. So did Odin, and Frigga, and myself. I even imagined I saw a fleeting smile on Loki's lips.  
'Oops… I am sorry about your hair.'  
'You!' Thor rose, and pulled me into a big bear hug. I was perplexed, but then relaxed, until I realised I felt grape juice drip into my hair.


	6. Chapter 6

I was a natural - or so they said. And indeed, it didn't take me much effort to do the "basic" stuff; sensing the things around me, moving small objects, letting plants grow and so on. However, it was the part with the illusions that would not work.  
'Don't you worry my child,' Frigga smiled. 'It will come to you.'  
I still looked miserable, even though I tried to smile appreciatively.  
'Well, I have to go now. You may practice more if you like. Here,' she handed me an old, bronze key on a chain, 'this will bring you to a more restricted part of the library, a part dedicated only to magic. Perhaps you could find something there that may help you.'  
'Thank you very much, Lady Frigga.' I smiled happily and took the key.  
'I admire your will; you do not give up.'  
I shrugged shyly. 'It is sometimes more stubbornness; when I have set my mind to something I just cannot let go.'

The library was indeed grand, and the "restricted" chambers were marvellous. The books and scrolls seemed at least twice as old as anything in the library. Eventually I found a thick book about basic magic, containing a long chapter about Illusions.  
Sadly, only the titles had been translated, so it was of no use to me. Frustrated I slumped down on the rounded couch.  
'Stupid ancient books,' I muttered.  
'I would not say those kinds of things so near to books with so much power.' My heart skipped a beat when the voice came from the shadows, and the young prince stepped forwards.  
'I doubt if they would understand my language.' The prince's lips curled slightly.  
'You have adapted well to the palace, I see.'  
'Reasonably, though your family has helped greatly.'  
'They do seem to adore the concept of adopting,' he smirked. 'Though I suppose my mother always loved the idea of a daughter.'  
'You make it seem as if I am no more a stranger to your family, even though you haven't spoken a word to me until now, and the conversations at the dinner table are more like distant relatives than brothers and sisters.' I flinched when I heard my own hurt and longing. 'I am sorry.' I lowered my head.  
'I suppose you are right. However, I must say that it is mostly your own doing. You are shutting them out; if you truly want to know them better, I suggest that you start with Thor - he really seems to like you. Perhaps because you share some of your physical characteristics.'  
I rose, and moved towards the door. 'Thank you, for your guiding words. If you ever need-' I stopped myself, remembering his eyes when I had last said "help". 'Well, thank you.'  
The prince didn't react, just looked at me with dark eyes. I coloured, and left.

Coincidentally I ran into Thor on my way to my own room.  
'Lady Xaeyera! What a pleasant surprise!'  
'Hello Thor!' I smiled, more widely than usual, remembering his brother's words. 'Where are you going?'  
'The training hall, for my usual practise.'  
'Could I maybe come with you?' I asked. 'I have never seen that part of the palace.'  
'Of course!' Thor beamed. 'Maybe I could teach you some of my tricks. A lady ought to protect herself.'  
'I don't think I have much to fear inside this palace,' I laughed.  
'They would certainly not come by me,' he assured me, while guiding me in the right direction.  
'So you have never lost?' I asked, both curiously and teasingly.  
'Not very recently. Not since I have this.' He held out his hand. For a moment nothing happened. Then I heard a rushing sound- a large beautiful hammer flew into his hand.  
'Wow,' I gaped at it. 'That was amazing!'  
'Thank you! Though I hope my mother will not be angry with me.'  
'Why would the Queen be angry?'  
Thor chuckled. 'Actually, she has forbidden me to use Mjolnir inside; she is afraid it will one day carry the entire staff by accident.'  
When imagining that, I couldn't help but laugh.

Finally, we reached the training hall, and Thor turned towards me. 'How about that practise?'  
'Didn't you have to do your own practise?' I wondered.  
'Are you saying I need it?' Thor pretended to be indignant.  
'Well…' I smiled mischievously.  
'I cannot have myself be insulted in such a manner. You brought your own doom!' Suddenly he grabbed me, and put me in a hold on one of the mats. With one hand he held both of my arms above my head, and with his leg he pressed my body softly to the ground. 'Surrender!'  
'Never!'  
'So be it! You have lost because no one matches the strength of the mighty Thor!'  
'I cannot believe that, and I will not!' I exclaimed.  
Thor let me go, and sat back, grinning.  
'I will make you believe, trust me.' Then I heard the gong for diner. 'But alas, it has to wait; diner is first!'

Thor guided me to the dinner chamber, and just before he opened the doors for me, he muttered, 'I am sorry about your hair.'  
'What?'  
He grinned and swung the doors open.  
'Xaeyera dear, what happened?' Frigga exclaimed when I approached the table.  
'Ehr- Thor?'  
'Thor?'  
'I am sorry mother, I tried to show the Lady how powerful the mighty Thor can be, but she will not believe me.'  
'I would certainly think so,' Frigga smiled, 'I hope I taught her well.'  
'So it seems,' Thor helped me sit, and whispered in my ear so no one would hear it: "please don't tell her about Mjolnir" after which he sat down himself, 'though I would like to see some proof.'

'Well, we actually have rules about no magic at the dinner table, but for this one time I will make an exception.'  
'You are a wise queen,' Thor chuckled. He looked at me. 'Impress me.'  
For a moment I didn't know what to do, until I saw my goblet with grape juice. I concentrated on the liquid, and it slowly rose from the cup. Then I let it dance above the dinner table.  
'Well done, dear. She really is a natural with the elements.' I looked at her, and was surprised to see a proud smile.  
Suddenly Thor sputtered. I looked back at him, and he sat surprised - and soaking wet – with grape juice all over him. Then he started to laugh. So did Odin, and Frigga, and myself. I even imagined I saw a fleeting smile on Loki's lips.  
'Oops… I am sorry about your hair.'  
'You!' Thor rose, and pulled me into a big bear hug. I was perplexed, but then relaxed, until I realised I felt grape juice drip into my hair.


	7. Chapter 7

'Son, did you show the lady what you are made of?' Odin started the conversation as we walked in.  
'Well of course! But father, where is, well, where is the food?'  
'I thought it might be nice to take our diner outside the weather is too great not to.'  
And thus we walked to a patio in the gardens. It was a round table, so I found myself next to Frigga and Thor.  
I studied Loki, who sat opposite me, and noticed he didn't eat. When he caught my look he muttered, 'Look away' And I did - because I simply could not help it.  
I gasped softly as my hand burned.  
'What is wrong, my dear?' Frigga asked. Then her eyes widened, and she grasped my hand. 'What is this?'  
'I- it's, I -' I stuttered. I didn't dare look at Loki, not wanting to give him away. 'An enchantment went wrong.' It wasn't a lie, though not really the truth either.  
'Dear, o dear, I have not seen these runes for a long time. But it makes sense, really…'  
'What?'  
'Xaeyera, dear, these are the marks of a Valkyrie.'  
'A… Valkyrie…?'  
'Midgardian women chosen to become divine warriors,' Frigga explained, her eyes distant, 'though there haven't been any Valkyries in centuries- not since their temple disappeared.'  
I looked at her with wide eyes, unable to understand her words.  
'I am no warrior,' I eventually said.  
'But you are a marvellous sorceress- Your veins are filled with magic.'  
'Midgardian…'  
'You cannot remember your past; it is not unlikely your Valkyrie ancestry brought you here.'  
I shook my head. 'What? No! I- look!' I held up my hands. Golden sparks flickered above my palms. 'I can't even do a damn illusion!' Without warning I rose from my chair, causing it to waver on two legs.  
'The temple disappeared, you say? Well maybe they just kicked me out! I am nor warrior- I am no good with magic- and they didn't want me back, so they wiped my memory. And please don't say it is no possibility- You all know it is!' I stood, my chair tumbled to the ground. Gasping for breath I ran out of the room.  
I was useless. Not what they wanted. An outsider. Worthless. A failure. I did not belong.  
Heavy thoughts crossed my mind - More emotions than I remembered I had ever felt.  
Finally, I reached my room, and slammed the door shut. I plunged down on my bed, still not able to breath.  
It was like someone poured buckets of emotions into my heart, and buckets of negative thoughts into my mind. Heavy blocks of rock fell down on my back, wrecking my lungs.  
What was happening? My body trembled, every breath shook me. My throat hurt, my lungs ached, my eyes wanted to cry - but couldn't.  
Shadows danced in my vision, blackness trying to pull me down.  
A knock on my door - a voice calling my name.  
I tried to call out, but my voice only rasping a high sound.  
'Xaeyera?' A low, worried voice neared me. Strong hands put me a bit further into the bed, and sat me down with my back against a soft, warm mass. I heard a beating sound.  
'Xaeyera, you are going into shock. Please, just breath. Everything is going to be all right. We will help you. We will find a way, even if it is beyond the nine realms. You are part of this family now. Do you see that?'  
I tried to nod. My eyes started to roll back into my head.  
'Xaeyera, hold on. I will bring you to mother, she will help you. Hold on!'  
His strong arms picked me up, and he started moving.  
He brought me back to the dining room.  
'Mother, I think she is going into shock.'  
I heard a loud wreckage before I was laid on what felt like the dinner table.  
'Dear, it is going to be all right,' Frigga said softly. Her gentle fingers touched me on my forehead, my shoulders, my stomach, over my heart, my temples. She whispered ancient words, and slowly the blackness faded.  
The world slowly came into view. Thor helped me sit up.  
'I am sorry,' I muttered quietly. 'I don't know what came over me.'  
'It is okay; it was shocking news… but we do really want to help you. Is there anything you could tell us?' I hesitated, and looked around the room. Candles and empty plates lay shattered across the floor, Odin had left - as a king he had more important measures to deal with than hysterical girl - but Loki stood in the far corner, his face blank, his eyes looking into the far distance.  
'It was supposed to be an oath of secrecy.' Frigga looked compassionate.  
'So you cannot tell us more. But how did you… feel, when you swore the oath? With what… purpose did you do it?'  
'I- I wanted to help. I wanted to be useful for once, and really help someone.'  
'Ah,' Frigga nodded. 'And feelings are far stronger than words you do not understand. Moreover, an unconditional feeling of wanting to help someone is what Valkyries were known for.'  
'I suppose…' I trailed the lines on my hand. Thor sat down and wrapped his arm around me.  
'I will find them and make sure you are free,' he muttered. I smiled a wavering smile.  
'Thank you, Thor.'  
'I know it bothers you, Xaeyera, that the illusions will not work. I am sure it will come in time - though I wondered if you would like Loki to help you. He is a master in magic, and especially a master in illusions.'  
'I don't know if that is something he would want to do…'  
'Well,' Thor aid matter-of-factly, 'I can make him.'  
I snorted.  
'I would prefer it if you didn't try. It would save us both much effort.' Loki approached. His tall posture as mysterious as ever.  
'If you agree I will not have to.' Thor's tone was slightly threatening.  
Loki seemed indignant. 'So you think I will only agree because you threatened me?'  
'Would you do it if I didn't?'  
'I might not, simply because you threaten me. Not everyone is overly impressed by "the mighty-'  
'Boys!' Frigga raised her voice, interrupting the brothers. She turned to Loki.  
'Loki, would you want to teach Xaeyera about illusions?'  
He pressed his lips together, and met my eyes. The green seemed stormy and far away, making his eyes unfathomable depths.  
'I will try to teach Lady Xaeyera about illusion,' he said slowly, thoughtfully, calculating every word. ' but I cannot guaranty anything; I was not born to be a teacher.'  
Frigga smiled. 'More I do not ask of you. Xaeyera, dear, how are you feeling?'  
'I am all right, I think. Perhaps a bit dizzy.'  
'Thor can return you to your room, I have to find Odin. Be careful.'  
'Thank you.' She left. I let myself slide carefully off the edge of the table and felt Thor's arm grip a bit tighter around my waist. Slowly we left the room. Only moments before we reached the threshold, I turned my head around.  
'Thank you,' I said, looking at the dark prince.  
'Do not thank me yet.'


	8. Chapter 8

And thus I found myself outside of the prince's chambers, nervously, thinking back to the last time I had been there. I raised my hand, and knocked.  
'Come in.'  
After breathing in deeply, I pushed against the door, and complied.  
Now I stood inside the chambers, studying my own hands. For a short moment I looked up, and saw the prince sitting at his desk, writing. I studied my hands again.  
A chair squeaked against the floor.  
'What you must understand,' the prince started speaking, gripping his hands behind his back, 'is that I cannot guaranty anything; I do not know how to teach, I only know how I achieve my… magical goals' I nodded.  
'I understand.'  
'So, I understand you know how to be aware of your surroundings?'  
'Yes, but only on a physical level. I can't sense what your mother called "life force". '  
The prince nodded. 'Those can be… related. They are both arts for which you need to clear your mind, and let go of it. It is an issue of feelings and emotions, while you release your spirit.'  
'I don't really understand what you mean.'  
'Well,' he walked to the middle of the room. There he closed his eyes.  
'I now open myself to what is both around me, and within me. Only so I can use what is within me to affect what is around me-' many things in the room started to hover, staying in one place, not touching any surface, '-and make what is inside me around me.' The woodlands of Asgard shimmered to life around us. I was stunned, amazed. It was beautiful. Books flew around like birds, glowing runes emerged from the pages like emerald fireflies.  
Slowly everything calmed down, and the illusions faded. Loki opened his eyes - like green beacons of fire.  
'I will do everything I can to achieve that!' Still amazed I looked at him, wide-eyed, exited. 'Teach me, please!'  
The dark prince seemed amused, and started walking towards me.  
'Come stand here. The centre of a room can be easier; it makes it easier to sense the things around you.'  
I nodded and did what he told me. He stepped behind me. He spoke softly in my ear.  
'Now, close your eyes. Breath, in, and out. Let your spirit go. Let your mind travel inside your memories - while you let your spirit flow outwards. Let them become one. Open your soul - breath.'  
His low voice was like a lullaby; I did what he asked without hesitation.  
My body shocked.  
Blood. Screams. Pain.  
'Xaeyera, run!'  
'No!' I gasped. 'Please, no!'  
My mind was sucked into a dark, swirling cortex.  
A man was being dragged away.  
'Dad, no!'  
His face was bloody, scratched, hollow.  
'Run!'  
Someone clad in brownish, green clothes the one dragging the bloody man, took a dark object, and hit his head. He slumped.  
'No!' I cried. Not again. I had seen my mother die. I had escaped from hell. I had looked death into the eyes, and it had let me go - me and no one else.  
I ran, and jumped, and attacked the soldier. I had nothing - no weapon, barely any clothing, barely any flesh on my bones - but I would not go down without a fight.  
Pain hit me in the stomach. I fell back, I grabbed my stomach, my hands felt wet. I hurt, so much.  
'Xaeyera?' The voice seemed distant. 'Xaeyera?'  
'No…' I didn't want to go back to the light. After all this time I finally had been defeated. I should let it be.  
Someone whispered ancient words. Someone pressed my body gently. Someone forced me to come back.  
I blinked - I lay in bed. It was a soft bed, an enormous bed, a bed with curtains at the sides. A bed that wasn't mine.  
'I am sorry, my prince I am-' my voice haltered. I looked at him. It was strange seeing him now, after the visions I just had. I was afraid shocked, broken. But inside my heart there were double feelings. Feelings that were both mine and not.  
'You are afraid,' I whispered. 'And hurt. Why are you so hurt?'  
'What?' The dark prince asked confused.  
I stretched my arm reached for his hand. 'Let me help-'  
'No!' He pulled away his hand. 'You shall not help me- we know what happened last time,' he snapped.  
'I'm sorry, I-' Tears welled up in my eyes. I felt ashamed, embarrassed for being so weak.  
'No.' His tone was softer now, apologetic even. 'I… am sorry; I should have never let you go so far into your memories. I made you go; you were almost gone.' I tried to object. But he interrupted me. 'That is the truth. Now do not try and contradict that.'  
He gave me no choice. I willed my eyes to be dry again, without spilling a single tear.  
'I am all right, really,' I tried to sit up, but failed.  
'No,' he smirked, 'I am – contrary to popular belief – not completely heartless. I cannot allow you to get up in this condition.'  
'Sleep' the prince commanded. Yet again, I had no choice but to comply.

Loki looked at this strange, small creature. She puzzled him. Why did she want to help him every time he had hurt her?  
They were connected, and he had power over her. Power, someone to listen to him. How he had always desired such a thing. But now, he was afraid of what he might do with this newfound power.  
He would try and shield his emotions, he decided. And try to think about what he told her.  
Maybe if he could scare her off - that wouldn't be a problem. At least, if she wouldn't face him as she had done that first night.


	9. Chapter 9

I woke inside my own bed – at first very confused, before I recalled what happened.  
It was just in time for diner, so I went quickly while I corrected my clothing.  
'Xaeyera dear,' Frigga started when I sat down. 'I am afraid we will all be going away for some days.'  
'All of you?' I squeaked. Just as I needed them, would they leave?  
'Except you and Loki.'  
'For how long?'  
'We are not sure; It all depends on the mood of our host. Do you think you'll be okay?' she stroked the side of my face, pushing a little strand behind my ear.  
'Sure,' I replied quickly, 'I will be fine.'  
Frigga smiled. 'Forgive me for not telling sooner.'  
'No forgiveness needed. However-' I turned to Thor, 'that doesn't go for you. You should have told me.'  
He smiled apologetically. 'I did not know I would be going.' He smirked slightly, 'believe me, I would much rather stay home. But alas, I shall be king so I must carry the burden of immense boredom.' I couldn't help but laugh.

When it was time for them to leave, I watched them off at the Bifrost. I looked up at Thor, glaring.  
'I am still angry.'  
He sighed. 'Yes, I know but-' he stopped, and looked me deeply into my eyes. 'There is something wrong.'  
Knowing denying it would not help, I sighed and nodded. At that moment Odin called.  
'Tell me everything when I get back, I will make it right,' he promised. I smiled sadly. He pulled me into a warm hug, and I enjoined the safety as long as I could.  
'Goodbye,' he kissed me on the forehead.  
'Bye,' I mumbled. He then turned to Loki.  
'Goodbye brother, take good care of her.'  
'I will do my best, brother,' he answered. Then he smirked. 'I hope you do not expect any kisses from me.'  
Thor laughed, and stumped his brother in the shoulder. Then he rustled my hair one last time, and turned around, following his parents. And gone they were - leaving me with Loki.

The next morning, we sat alone at the dinner table. I knew I looked terrible; my sleep had been haunted by nightmares, thus I hadn't rested very well. The dress I had put on was tousled, and my hair looked even worse.  
The prince seemed almost as bad, with dark circles under his eyes, and his hair not its usual smooth black self.  
We ate in silence, until, suddenly, to my utter surprise, the prince spoke up.  
'If I didn't know better, I would think my brother had not left, or had returned only to tousle your hair.'  
I looked up, surprised to find his gaze softer than usual. And more open.  
I smiled carefully.  
'Yeah, my night wasn't that good.'  
'Sadly I cannot tell you my night was any different.'  
I yawned covering my mouth with my hand. 'So I guess our …practise… should be postponed?'  
'I am afraid so. We wouldn't want us falling asleep as the furniture is flying, do we?'  
I laughed softly. 'No, that we don't want.'  
Dreamily I looked at my cup, letting the liquid rise again, though I kept it circling just above it.  
'Should I be afraid?' He was truly smiling now.  
'Only if you are not nice to me,' I teased.  
'I will watch my steps.' His eyes glittered.

After breakfast I let myself fall backwards on my bed. Sleepily, I started humming to myself, contemplating this morning's breakfast. The prince had been nice; he had talked to me! Could this be a step forwards? Was he letting me in?  
Someone knocked at my door.  
'O, hi,' I said surprised, seeing the one I had just been thinking about.  
'Hello, I was wondering- Well, actually- after your first dinner you walked the gardens with Thor, and he… told me… I could maybe take you out sometimes if you would want some more information. So… I wondered if you would want to walk with me?'  
I blushed happily. 'Of course!' I stepped into the hallway, closing the door behind me. 'I loved the gardens, but I am too afraid to get lost on my own.'  
The prince smiled, reaching out his arm. 'Do not worry about that, I will not let that happen.'

'I actually got lost here sometimes when I was a child,' he told me some time later. After we had walked for a while, and he had proved how much he knew about literally everything.  
'Really?'  
'Yes, but then I found what one would call a secret garden. Sadly, I never found it again. However, when I came home for dinner later, and I really wanted tell everyone what I had found, they were all so mad at me. Apparently I had been gone for five hours, and they had all been looking for me.' He smiled at the memory.  
'That sounds like a wonderful childhood.' The prince frowned lightly.  
'Yes, yes it was - I have most certainly been lucky.'  
We were quiet again, striding across the gardens. Then we reached the end of the gardens - and we didn't stop.  
'We are leaving the gardens?' I glanced up to the prince.  
'There is a place I would like to show you, if you do not mind.' There was an edge of insecurity in his voice, and even his face let it shimmer through.  
I smiled. 'I don't really have somewhere else to be.'  
He led me through the woods, a place I hadn't been for quite some time.  
Finally, we entered a beautiful meadow, with the greenest grass and most stunning flowers.  
'This is… amazing,' I said in awe.  
'I thought you might like it.'  
I turned to him, smiling. It was the most gorgeous place I had ever been.  
'Do you come here often?'  
Loki smiled quietly, looking at his hands. 'Quite. I find it can… calm me, when I need a place to collect my thoughts.'  
My eyes widened when I heard the sincerity in his voice. 'It sounds like this is a very special place to you.'  
He looked up again, his eyes bright and honest. 'It is, so I wanted to share it with someone.'  
Blushing, I replied quietly. 'I am happy you let me be that person.'  
Loki smiled warmly, and after taking off his mantel he spread it upon the grassy floor.  
'Take a seat.'


	10. Chapter 10

I did as he asked, taking off my shoes to I could wouldn't ruin his mantel. I curled into a little ball, wrapping my arms around my knees.  
There was something I needed to get off my chest, though I wasn't sure how to say it.  
'I was wondering…' I began slowly, letting my eyes flicker between his face and the ground, 'why you are doing this? I do appreciate it, very much,' I hesitantly continued, 'but I do not understand. Why this change?'  
Soft, pink hues appeared on the prince's cheeks, and I was quite stunned; suddenly, he seemed years younger, far more innocent than I had thought possible. He smiled, quietly, a bit ashamed, even.  
'I have been… acting rather… - I have been… - I wanted to apologise, for my behaviour… I have been rather unkind, and I didn't realise… I misjudged you, Lady Xaeyera. I let my personal troubles cloud my judgement.'  
I pressed my lips together, smiled, looked at my hands, and back at the prince.  
'You didn't trust me,' I chuckled, 'I wouldn't have either. I might not trust myself right now… I mean, who knows where I come from?'  
The young prince frowned. 'Do you not believe you are from the Valkyries?'  
I sighed. 'I do not know. Honestly, if I am, it is not a good sign they kicked me out, right?'  
'But did they?' he wondered, thoughtfully looking at me, his slender fingers pressed together against his lips. 'I have read many stories in which certain guardians, or chosen individuals, are sent, without knowing why. It is perhaps the way it should be – so you can find your own way, doing good and finding out what the right path is by yourself, instead of walking an already forethought path.'  
'But must I feel so lost?' I sighed, desperately.

Loki was silent. He studied the girl. Did she not realise it was he who felt lost, and made her feel this way? Just as she had almost collapsed when he had lost his grip on his emotions. He shuddered to think what his family would think when they found out – not because he feared the physical pain Thor might bestow on him, but because he had already found enough reason for them to hate him.  
What was he doing here again? Hadn't he decided to keep his distance?  
Loki didn't understand what had come over him. He cursed the tugging sensation, that had driven him to this foolish decision.  
Though he couldn't regret it; not while he sat there, in such a close proximity of the girl. Not while she was smiling so happily. Not while the golden sunlight reflected of her own golden hair.  
Indeed, he could only cherish the moment.


	11. Chapter 11

'Doesn't it remind you of a fairy-tale?' I asked. I was leaning backwards so the sun good light my face. 'Where little fairies danced upon the flowers.'  
'Do you like dancing?'  
I blushed. 'I can't really remember having danced before, if I'm honest. I know it sounds silly, but-' the prince rose, and leaned down, giving me his hand. I blushed again.  
'May I have this dance?'  
A wide smile spread across my face. 'It would be an honour.'  
His hand on my hip was gentle, and his hand holding mine was even softer. Every cell in my body was alert, and aware of his presence.  
'Dancing is even better than I imagined,' I mused softly.  
'I am glad it pleases you.'  
'It delights you too, I can sense it. I like that you are feeling happy.' I kept looking into his eyes. I still couldn't read those deep green eyes, but his emotions started to open up to me.  
'It is only thanks to you.'  
'I am happy I can be of service.'  
The prince's eyes became darker as he furrowed his brow.  
'You are far more than a servant; you must know that. You are part of this family now, you cannot see yourself as anything less.'  
'I try,' I said astonished. 'But I find it hard sometimes, I'm not used to your kindness.'  
'You should.' He took his hand, and very carefully stroked my cheek. 'We all want you to be happy. I know I may not always act upon it, but it is true.'  
'I am very grateful. I shall try harder to realise.'  
We continued dancing, until I became tired and we sat down again. I laid down, and the prince took my head carefully in his lap. He stroked my hair, played with the strands.

'It is… strange. I have never touched anything so… delicate and yet so strong.' What Loki didn't say, was that he had never been so afraid of hurting another being. Her soft skin and smooth hair were enchanting, and he felt so rough in her gentle presence.  
She lifted a hand, and moved her finger across his face. He closed his eyes, focusing every part of his body on her gentle touch. Though he couldn't keep the little voice from saying she wouldn't want to touch him if she knew who he really was.


	12. Chapter 12

We just sat there for a long time, until it was time for dinner. While we ate, we had an animated conversation about Asgardian history, and I loved listening to the prince. He spoke more than I had ever heard him do, and his face lightened up while he did so.  
The next days we returned to the meadow, just sitting in the grass. I tried to conjure some flickers of illusions, while the prince made sure I wouldn't wonder too far into my own mind.  
He would show me a fluttering butterfly, and I would try to replicate it. Mine wasn't as gracious as his, but it appeared.

Halfway through our lonely stay I had a terrible nightmare which woke me trembling and wet, with an accelerated heartbeat. At first I tried to fall asleep again, but every time I closed my eyes, the horrors reappeared.  
I roamed the hallways until I stood before the prince's chambers. I knocked.  
Soft footsteps sounded behind the door before it opened.  
'Xaeyera?' He looked surprised. He was wearing soft black pants and a wide green shirt. His hear seemed a bit curly. I had caught him completely off guard.  
'I'm sorry… I just- I couldn't…' my voice quivered.  
'Come' He spread his arms, and I buried my face in his shirt.  
'It is okay; it was only a dream.'  
He guided me towards the bed, and made me sit down. I still held myself close to him, finding comfort in his near being. His hand gently stroked my back, pressing muscles gently. He muttered those ancient words, which turned into a lullaby, lulling me to sleep. When my body started to relax, the prince lifted my legs, and carefully put me beneath the blankets. He placed himself beside me. I curled up, while he held his arm around me.  
Steadily the fear resided, and I dared close my eyes. The prince's hand was still holding my own as I drifted off to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

When the news reached me that the King, Queen and Heir were going to come home, I immediately ran towards the Bifrost.  
'Thor!' I called, running towards him. My feet barely touched the rainbow path, I was running that fast, feeling that light.  
'My little princess,' he smiled, grabbing me and lifting me within the same motion. 'Have you behaved yourself?'  
'Very well,' I replied. 'Look!' I raised my arm, and opened my hand. A small, golden butterfly sat on my palm. With a proud look I saw it fly away.  
'Xaeyera! I told you you could do it!' Thor hugged me again and rustled my hair.  
'Thanks for that.' I smirked.  
'Loki, brother, I see you have done well as a teacher!' Thor grinned widely and hit his brother on the back, who didn't flinch. Indeed, I thought I saw a small smile upon his lips.  
'I think the lady is the one deserving the compliments, Thor.'  
'Let is celebrate with a wealthy meal!'

Dinner started great, with us all feeling starved, happy to see each other and the fully packed table of deliciousness. But after a while, Odin started talking to Thor about the growing threat of the Jotuns. Just like in the Giants' world, the temperature seems to drop. When I glanced at the dark prince beside me, I saw him clench his jaw. Looking at him, I felt the cold coming from him, as if his inners were frozen.  
'Are you all right?' I asked softly.  
The prince nodded, not looking at me.  
'You feel cold, what-'  
'Please, stop speaking,' he grunted through his locked teeth, whilst I was still speaking. I didn't notice in time what had happened, so my mouth was moving, while no sound was leaving my lips.  
'Oh, you may speak.' He still wouldn't look at me.  
'Thank you.'  
'Brother…' Thor's voice was deeper than usual, cold and threateningly. 'What did you do?' I looked up, Thor was looking at his brother, a dangerous gleam is his eyes.  
'Nothing,' I said quickly. 'I just…'  
'Never mind the excuses.' The dark prince rose from his chair, toppling it backwards. Thor mirrored his movement.  
'It was me, all right? It was me who bound her! Now, despise me, brother, for I have done wrong again! I, who only thinks about myself, who let her take a binding oath of secrecy, and took her freedom!  
For mercy's sake, just punish me.' He was breathing deeply, his chest moving rapidly. He stared his brother in the eyes.  
Thor had lost some of his anger, replaced by a bit of surprise. When no one said a word, the younger prince turned and stormed out of the room. Without a moment's hesitation I followed him.  
Hs went into the forest, and I knew very well where he would go; he needed to clear his mind. When I arrived at the meadow, he was standing there, his back to me, his figure dark in the twilight.  
'Loki,' I called out to him.

A shiver went down his spine when he heard her say his name. He couldn't help it. He wanted so badly to just turn around and look at her. But he wouldn't be able to live with himself knowing she had seen him like this.  
He had to protect her, from himself.  
He breathed in deeply, knowing he would hate himself for doing this - and she would hate him even more.  
'Go.'

Immediately I could feel how my body started obeying his command. But this time I wouldn't let his words control me.  
'No!' Straining against the magical bonds hurt, but I would not go. 'That is not really what you want. Let me help you.'  
'Why? Because it ended well last time?' his voice was on the edge of breaking.  
'You don't want me to leave, Loki.'  
He started trembling. 'I don't want you to see me like this; I don't want you to see the monster I am!'  
'You are not a monster, Loki,' I replied calmly. I came closer to him; I was within arm's reach now.  
'Yes I am! Can you not see it?' Furiously he turned around. His skin was blue. His eyes were red. His face was marked with lines like scars.  
This new appearance brought me back to the attack of the small village. Involuntary, I shivered.  
Loki's face contorted into a smirk. 'See? I am one of them! Do not think I didn't know who you were frightened of!' Anger flared inside his eyes. 'Because I am one of them! One of the monsters that haunt you every night!'  
His anger, self-hatred and fear were inescapable, though I could only let my breath escape with a slight, "oh".  
'So that is why you have been so upset…'  
Loki scoffed. 'I would say that is an understatement.' Some of the blue had already disappeared, and it seemed as if the colour drained from his face. It were his eyes that restored the quickest.  
I bit my lip. 'And you didn't tell anyone you know?'  
Again Loki scoffed. 'And then? They know, they have known all along – yet they did not tell me. It is obvious they do not want to be reminded of it again!'  
'I think you should talk to them, they are your family, Loki. They all love you, so they will want to talk to you.'  
Loki's eyes took me in, seemed to consider what I had said.  
'I need time,' he eventually said. 'I… need to think. Could you give me that, time?'  
'Of course. But only if you promise you will think about what I've said.'  
'I will,' Loki said, with the slightest hint of a smile, 'I promise.'

So I left him, with a knot in the pit of my stomach, like my intestines were slowly turning to lead. At the edge of the meadow I looked back once, seeing his lonely silhouette.


	14. Chapter 14

Life inside Asgard's palace became icy cold – and tense. Though how hard it might be, I kept my agreement, and stayed away from Loki. He not only stayed, he also avoided my eyes whenever we were in the same room; even during dinner – especially during dinner.  
Thor seemed lost at our silence, and didn't seem to understand what was going on. The king and queen, however, looked often enough at each other with telling eyes, showing they had great suspicion what this was about.  
When I had come back from the meadow, I had told them it had been an accident – our connexion – and that it didn't bother me. Thor had frowned, but after I had insisted he should forget about it, he let it rest.  
However, he did keep me company more than ever, which I didn't mind; without him I felt utterly lonely. Though I kept wondering if those were my own emotions or Loki's.

One evening, after dinner (a dinner during which Thor had looked repeatedly at his brother with insecure eyes) Thor asked me if I might want to walk with him. Naturally, I agreed.  
He took me to the gardens, and let me sit down on a small bench. Opposite us stood a proud fountain, sprinkling a never-ending stream of water.  
Thor seemed to find it hard to speak. Patiently I waited until he had found his words, though I already knew what he would speak about.  
'My brother…' Thor wrung his hands, 'my brother told me he isn't my real brother.' He stopped, and looked at me. His eyes were those of a lost boy, not knowing what was happening around him. I took his hand, and made him sit down.  
'Do you believe him?'  
Thor frowned. 'I do not understand your question, Xaeyera. He was not lying about his descent; he showed me.'  
I pressed my lips together, before releasing some air. 'That is not what I meant. You cannot doubt his blood, however, I was speaking about his heart, your heart. Do you believe you are not brothers?'  
Understanding sparked in Thor's eyes. 'To me he will always be a brother. But if Loki does not see it this way-'  
'He does,' I interrupted him, seeing the devastation in Thor's eyes. 'He only fears you won't.'  
'How could I not?' He exclaimed a bit indignant. 'We have been brothers for a thousand years! Nothing can change that!'  
A bit sadly I smiled. 'Fear does strange things to people. He sees himself as a monster, not realising the reason they call the Jotuns that attacked my village monsters is not because of what they are, but because of what they did. Anyone can be a monster, no matter where they are born.'  
For a quiet moment Thor looked at me, then he smiled and softly put his hand on my shoulder.  
'We have been so lucky to have received you in our lives, Sister.'  
Unable to speak, I looked at him with big eyes. Thor's smile grew wider. He then pulled me into a tight embrace, giving me the chance to wipe away the tear that had formed in my eye.  
'Thank you,' I muttered quietly.

Loki's heart ached as he watched his brother embrace her. He wished he could be the one to comfort her – if it had not been him that hurt her in the first place. Telling Thor had been a relief, though he had not yet had the courage to confront his father.  
His mother had assured him Odin loved him, there was still fear in his heart.  
But he must do it, he knew. He couldn't wait until the end of the world, so he could escape like a coward.  
He had to have courage.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Text

The following morning, I woke up with a stack of paper on my nightstand. They were skilfully stacked, and written in a neat, curly handwriting. All pages followed the same format: a title, a title in a language I didn't understand and then long pieces of text. Which were, I assumed, copied from another's work.  
Immediately, I noticed every single paragraph contained information about Valkyries. Subjects ranged from ancient legends to prophecies, lists of "confirmed" sightings and factual descriptions of these women. Considering this information had been scattered across dozens of books, it must have been sheer drudgery to collect it all. Whoever had done this – and of course I had my suspicions, but I dared not think them – had given up a lot of time to deliver me this.

Without hesitation, I started reading immediately, not able to contain my curiosity and need for knowledge.  
Most information was vague or undoubtedly untrue, but there were some paragraphs that captured my interest, and seemed to contain at least part of the truth.  
After reading for quite a while, I was started by a soft knock on the door.  
'Yes?' I called. 'Please, come in.' Quickly, I drew the blankets closer, so my visitor wouldn't see my nightgown. I should not have worried: it was Thor who entered my bedroom.  
'Xaeyera, what are you still doing in bed?' he laughed, both surprised and amused.  
'Reading.' Warmth rose to my cheeks. Thor laughed again, before he assumed a more serious air.  
'I came here to say goodbye, Xaeyera. I did not want to leave you oblivious to our mission.'  
'What mission?'  
He looked genuinely doubtful, maybe even anxious.  
'My brother has made a proposal which my father agreed on.' His vague answer rose suspicion, and I narrowed my eyes.  
'What proposal?'  
'We are going to Jotunheim, I am afraid. Loki says he will try to bargain with them – so we could, perhaps, come to an agreement and make peace. Even if it is temporarily, it would prevent many casualties and much suffering.'  
'But if you fail?' I asked, wondering if I might not want to know the answer.  
'Then I will protect my family,' Thor ensured me. 'But I must go now, dear sister. Important measures await me.'  
'Good luck!' I called after him.  
Heavy stones slumped in my stomach, making me feel sick. In an attempt to distract myself, I began reading again. Surprisingly enough, it did manage to get my mind off the possible disastrous quest the three men were taking upon themselves.

I learned quite a lot that day – about Valkyries, and myself.  
They – we, I suppose I should say we, though I didn't really feel connected to the term – were often send to guide an important figure, who is destined to undertake great actions with even greater impact.  
Valkyries were chosen for their courage, natural moral compass and – essentially – tendency to sacrifice themselves for the "greater good".  
Did I do that? I wondered. Perhaps in that other life I dreamed of. Not in this life. My loyalty lay not with the "greater good". That I had already figured out. My loyalty had lain with the royal family almost instantly, feeling a natural connection.  
Had I been destined to guide some mysterious, great hero? Might this mean one of the brothers, who I tried to help as well as I could? I could see them be important to the future of the nine worlds.  
Lastly, Valkyries sometimes appeared on request. Very rarely, a Valkyrie took pity on a mortal soul, or came on own initiative. Some said this was a form of soulmates finding each other, which I wished I could believe, because it sounded romantic and beautiful.  
I sighed; why keep fooling myself? These words were not chasing away my concerns for the two brothers. Deeply unhappy, I crawled back underneath the warm safety of the blanket. I would just have to wait.


	16. Chapter 16

The fearful tension could be felt through the entire palace. The walls seemed to ooze the anxiety, weakening knees of those wo care greatly about the family.  
For a great deal of the day, I say with Frigga, while we both tried to pretend we had all trust they'd come home safely. Only for each other's sake, we held ourselves stronger than we felt.  
However, it did give me time to think. Loki must've come at peace with his background, or at least must have made some kind of truce. Hopefully this would reflect in the events that would unfold today.

'Highness!' startled by the sprinting guard, both the queen and I rose from our chair. The flustered man dropped to one knee, gasping for breath.  
'Yes? What is it?' The queen clasped her hands together in a fashion I recognised from Loki.  
'The allfather sent me, highness. He wanted you to know they have reached an agreement!'  
'O, Thank the stars!' she turned to me. 'When will they be coming back?'  
'After they have settled on the details they will return home, my lady.'  
Frigga smiled broadly. 'And we will await them with a grand feast!'

Despite the fact that I asked Frigga if I could help her with anything, she told me I should not worry, that I had done enough already for her family. I might have been mistaken, but I thought I saw a small tear of happiness well up before she embraced me.  
A maiden was send to my room to help me get into the beautiful gown she brought with her, and to brush my hair, until it fell in soft waves.  
Alas, it didn't stay that way, as I fell asleep while I was waiting for the arrival of the royal delegate.

A soft knock awoke me, and with heavy eyelids I looked up. Leaning against the doorframe, with a relaxed posture, though proudly upright, was Loki. He smiled a crooked smile, with warm eyes.  
'I would think a lady of your kind would be attending the royal feast.'  
I blinked, rubbed my eyes, pulled my fingers through my hair in an attempt to undo the damage my nap had caused.  
'I will, I was only… waiting.'  
Loki moved gracefully towards the bed, holding out his hand for me to take it. 'I think you have waited long enough.' Green eyes pierced my soul, trying to pass an unspoken message.  
'Yes,' I smiled, happily taking his hand, and stepping on the floor, 'I think so too.'  
'Would you want me to escort you to the feast?'  
'I wouldn't want anything more.'

Epilogue

With swift steps Loki brought me towards the hall. In the doorway, I halted.  
The hall was beautifully decorated. Emerald fabric had been wrapped around the golden pillars, and white flowers decorated every part of the room.  
There, on a spot overlooking the entire crowd stood Odin, Frigga and Thor, smiling at the guests, and each other. Thor's eyes found me, and his smile broadened. When he looked at Loki, he nodded. I glanced sideways – Loki nodded back, his eyes brighter than I had ever seen them. Then he turned toward me.  
'May I have this dance?'  
'I suppose so.' I bit my lip, and proceeded softly: 'If you wish to.'  
Loki nodded. 'I have had a long time to think – thus I think it is time to do and feel. And if I remember correctly, you are a great dance partner.' He chuckled, and we thought back to that moment in the meadow.  
Loki brought me to the middle of the hall, and took my hand carefully. The other he gently put on my hip. I dared to look up, into his emerald eyes.  
'You have done this,' I said softly, as we set into motion. 'This feast is because of you.'  
'On the contrary, it is you who made this possible. You guided me towards this moment, I only had to take the last step.'  
The music slowed down, and I found myself closer to Loki, close enough to hear his heartbeat.  
'Because you were destined to do it,' I whispered.  
'You read the papers… listen, Xaeyera, I am no grand figure, nor a hero. But I might be the reason why you are here.'  
Again I looked up. 'How is that?'  
'I asked for help,' he simply said. 'When I found out, I felt crushed. I begged the stars for someone who would remove the monster in me. Only days later, you came into my life.'  
'But you were never monster, Loki.'  
His body was so close, and made me feel so at ease. His smile warmed me. They were almost hypnotising, those green eyes.  
'And it was you who made me realise, thus removing the monster inside me. And I thank you for that.'  
'Maybe it was all for selfish reasons,' I replied quietly. 'Did I not end up exactly where I want to be?'  
'And where's that?' The palace, he thought I was about to say. But he was wrong.  
'Here, with you…' I glanced up, and blushed.  
Loki laughed quietly. 'If that were the truth – and I do not believe you did any of it for selfish reasons – I would still not be mad. Am I not the one who gets to hold you?'  
And he was right. It was then that I truly realised, how I might have been destined to be there, but that it had only happened because I had chosen it to.  
Therefore, I stopped worrying about why I was there – and only thought about why I wanted to be, there. Or rather, for whom.


End file.
